an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
