You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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