why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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