There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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