I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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