so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
