Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
