You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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