My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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