Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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