He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
