too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
