I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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