Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's never too late to be topless.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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