On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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