he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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