So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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