so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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