Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my being single is dangerous.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
