its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
