I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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