She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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