i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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