they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
