Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
