So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
