dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
