The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
