did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
