And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize