Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
