Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
