we have officially lost it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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