Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
