Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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