Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
