True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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