Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
