I will die if light touches me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
