I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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