everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
