id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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