Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
