Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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