So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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