Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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