Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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