Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
