We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
