My first STD was from a foam party
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize