I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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