Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
