he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
