There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
