sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
