his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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