So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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