Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
