She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize