My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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