The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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