i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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