She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
