I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
