I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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