Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
