:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
