Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
