I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
