grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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