It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
