wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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