So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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