Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
